Today’s the last day of Readers’ Suggestion Week. The impetus of this theme came when one of my friends called me and gave me a rundown of interesting news items that occurred over the past few weeks. So yeah, all I have to do today is slap down the list, add a few goofy pictures and get on with my day. (NOTE: It doesn’t mean I didn’t learn anything this week… but yes, it’s true. I didn’t retain anything. Reminds me of college…) Without further ado, here are his thoughts… followed by mine. Enjoy!
1.) First, we’ll start with something I already knew. The nutjobs out in Kansas City, MO, the Westboro Baptist Church, planned to picket Steve Job’s funeral; but kinda missed it, since it already took place. So they had their own little hate fest two days ago. Now HOW did they disseminate the information in the first place??? They tweeted their intentions via iPhone.
After news agencies started to call them hypocrites, they tweeted (or rather, twat-ed) right back saying that GOD invented the iPhone, not some lowly human like Steve Jobs. Following this line of thought, God invented birth control pills, condoms, (and homosexuals) too.
2.) As an aside to above, my favorite quote of the week comes from Dan Savage, replying to Herman Cain’s pronouncement that homosexuality is a choice:
“If being gay is a choice, show us the proof. Choose it. Choose to be gay yourself. Show America how that’s done, Herman, show us how a man can choose to be gay…” (The quote is longer, but it gets quite vulgar. If you want to read it in it’s entirety, here ya go!)
On the flipside, I do not choose to be straight: I AM STRAIGHT… Even if I had the choice to become gay, I would never open Door A. Why would one “choose” to be gay in the first place??? Men and women who happen to be gay lead very difficult lives… because of idiots like Herman Cain and the Westboro Baptist Church.
3.) In *ahem* lighter news, Lexington, KY ranks #1… as the laziest city in America according to Men’s Health Magazine. And you ask, how do you celebrate that high honor?!?!??? Why, by holding a “sedentary parade,” of course! (I.e., Residents just sat their fat asses on the ground publicly at a predetermined time to make a meta statement.)
And in typical American fashion, subsequently, Lexington Hospital staff formed a task force to debunk the results.
4.) A Michigan woman is suing the film distributor of the critically acclaimed movie “Drive…” for misleading viewers on the plot through its publicity. Sarah Deming went to the movie thinking that it would be somewhat akin to a Fast and Furious action piece, with lots of car chases and crashes. Instead, in her court documents, she laments that the movie had “very little driving [at all].” Oh, and it was apparently antisemitic too, which was not advertised in the trailer at all.
She hopes that her appeal will turn into a class action suit, allowing all cinema goers to sue movie makers should their films be advertised misleadingly. Unfortunately, all she demanded in her suit was for was her money back, which the movie hall and distributor are happy to refund.
You know, I should sue Ben Stiller for every movie he’s ever made. Stiller and his production company keeps telling me that his movies are “funny.” Many, instead, are an exercise in patience and exasperation. Please never ask me to see a Ben Stiller movie, unless you WANT serious side eye.
5.) In other news that makes me shake my head in sorrow, State Rep. Ritch Workman in Florida wants to repeal the ban on dwarf tossing there. Enacted in 1989, the law sought to protect little people from big lunky people like… well, Ritch Workman. Workman (the name fits!) explains his motivation behind the proposed repeal:
“I’m on a quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people,” Workman said. “This is an example of Big Brother government.
All that it does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get. In this economy… why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?”
Point taken, sort of. But at whose expense? I just have to wonder why dwarf tossing is such a huge priority for Rich Workman? You know, this is Florida’s Tax Money at work. Residents should be so proud…
6.) Talking about little people, have you seen the brilliant television show from Britain, An Idiot Abroad? Produced by Ricky Gervais, he lets his very dense friend, Karl Pilkington loose in strange, strange places around the world… and we see his reactions to it. In a deleted scene, Pilkington visited a dwarf village in China, and makes some great points about why it’s better to be a little person rather than a giant. Some of his summation:
- Loads of legroom on a plane (As a short person myself, I concur!)
- A king-sized Twix is massive(!)
- And oh, maybe our overpopulation problems can be solved (particularly in China…)
For more edification, here’s the clip. Enjoy!
See you next week!