Facebook is DEAD to Me (well, comatose anyway…)

Well, I disappeared yet again. What can I say?!?!??? I have stuff to write about… I’m just not that motivated at the moment to do so. Bite me. Bite me hard.

Well, not you.  Shoo...

What can I say about the social networking sinkhole… that hasn’t already been said? Ad nauseum?  Oh, okay.   Because I can’t shut up for two f’ing seconds, let me speak my peace.

*clears throat*

Facebook was great in the beginning.  (Maybe even awesome.  Okay.  Just great.)  I found grade/high school/college buddies, family and other random folk whom I hadn’t seen in decades. Instead of business cards, I’d trade my Facebook profile with new acquaintances. I did not even know I had 1,000+ friends… until my laptop told me so.  Whoa.  I was suddenly popular.

(Anyone who knew me in high school is probably laughing hysterically right now… Be nice, ya’ll…)

Since I work from home, Facebook became my water cooler… a place that I could go when I needed a break to shoot the shite with my newfound posse. Frankly, got to know a lot of people a little bit too well. (Damn. People are quite revealing when they are behind a computer. Through my lowly status page, I learned of my friends’ comings and goings… thoughts on life… work situations… political musings… witticisms… vacation plans… etc. People were getting married, having children and subsequently divorcing right in front of me. Wow…)

Well, let me back up. I got to know people to the extent that they wanted to be known. I knew that everything presented was just an illusion… and I bought into it line and sinker. I drowned in the proverbial Facebook puddle. Until I got past the rainwater and hit concrete.

*    *    *

 

*     *    *

The beginning of the end for me began with George Takei. Yes, that dude from Star Trek. Love the man. Love his memes. Unfortunately, like Celine Dion, Adele and someecards.com before him, he continues to be overplayed ad naueuem… on my status page. So George posts a picture. Then… 300 of my friends share it with each other… and myself. (I am guilty as charged of this misdemeanor… My bad.) As a result, I overdosed on the Takei. Too much G.T. = oh, my indeed!

To add insult to injury, I can’t even click on an interesting article anymore that someone posts… without finding myself at an intermediary page that asks for permission to share all of my information with Facebook. Ummm, no WashingtonPost Reader, et. al. I’ll just go to your respective website(s), thanks.

Ultimately though, what put me over the edge was when my profile page turned over to the dreaded Timeline. I put up with their design changes over the years… barely. But wow, now my whole user experience sucks hairy balls. Way to ruin Facebook for me, Facebook!

So one day, I realized that I had to quit this beast in the worst way, and decided to take the prerequisite steps to divorce Facebook… without actually deleting my account. You see, the social network thing is now ubiquitous. For one, it replaced Evite for all practical purposes to invite people to events. (Heck, my book club organizes their meetings and their selections through it.) And dammit, I now need the site to remind me of everyone’s birthdays. In the end, I decided not to inconvenience people based on my selfish decision. No, it will have to stick around like a surly ex, but hopefully, it’ll live across town so I don’t have to look at its ugly nog anymore.

Now can I be on Facebook… without actually being on Facebook? That is the question that I’m wrestling with at the moment. For now, I’ve reset my settings to receive event invites and personal messages through an email account that I’m (trying for the life of me) to check daily. I’ve informed many people of my email address should that fail. Because I’m that anal, testing every damn eventuality has taken its sweet time… and I’m not even done yet… *sigh*

But with every addiction, you have to go through withdrawal. I went through one entire week without even logging in. And what did I do with my new-found spare time?!?!???? Well, I wasted it, of course. The World Wide Web is pretty vast, if I may say so myself.

Long story short: It was the hardest week of my life.

Below, you’ll find a list of the status updates that I SO BADLY wanted to post… but spared all of you. Until now:

  • Spent 30 minutes looking for my keys. Luckily, they were safe and sound… in my linen closet. #fail #TeamNoDisrespect
  • NYC! NYC!
  • Walking over the Brooklyn Bridge… with the other tourists
  • Tasted a gen-u-Ine homemade NYC bagel for the first time. No one told me it would taste like… (WAIT for it…)      a f’ing BAGEL. #expectations
  • Back to DC. And my butt hurts. The Chinatown Bus kicked my ass… literally #checkyoursuspensiondude

I was SOOOOO Good!!!! Facebook cravings started to cease.

And then the NASA space shuttle had to fly over me. Literally. The plane zoomed about 500 feet over my head. It was so cool! And yes, I broke down and had to post my experience on Facebook. And it went downhill from there… I threw out my back later in the week. And I had literally nothing to do for hours… except check my Facebook status page periodically, between my prescription haze.

The surprising thing though, is that when I logged back on again, I wasn’t as emotionally invested in the “experience.” I was barely spending five minutes at a time scrolling up and down the front page. I think I’m finally over it. Even though I had a relapse, it will be easy to quit now, once my back allows me to get on with my life. I love my Facebook friends, (well, like a distant cousin…) but I’m gonna keep my musings here, where I actually own my writing… imagine that(!)

And Facebook will go on without me.

(*Disclosure: My mind is always subject to change*)

Postmortem: I just realized that once I publish this musing, ironically, it will automatically cross-post to my Facebook page. Yet another setting to change. Will I ever leave?

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About No Disrespect

A little schmuck in a big world
This entry was posted in Check Please!, Facebook, Friendship, New Beginnings, technology and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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