The Worst Gifts You Could POSSIBLY Receive for Valentine’s Day

I love when the “holidays” come around, because it make the blog super-easy to write.  Gift ideas!  Ooh, la la!  (Well, that is unless I decide to put tables into the post. Then this whole experience becomes an absolute nightmare… Ouch!)

Presented below are six gifts no one should never receive on the “most romantic day” (and if you work it right, night of the year)… Valentine’s Day. Take note.

(And as per tradition, click on the pictures below to purchase said items… should you not wish to heed good advice. You’re welcome.)

Gift What was he thinking(!) What she thinks… Verdict

A Weight Watchers Membership

I love you. Really, I do.

(But you can stand to lose a few lbs…)

NO SOUP FOR YOU! Um… okay.  I’d only give this gift if I wanted to be dumped immediately.

(Hmmmm…)

He’s Just Not That Into You (The book.)

We need to talk… Ruh, Roh… Well, thank the stars that at least you didn’t get the movie

(It sucked big, hairy balls.)

Smittens

From the website: Smittens are mittens specially designed so that two people can hold hands inside of one mitten.

How stupid! How romantic! For the couple who loves to hold hands… but not when it’s cold outside(???)

A Toilet Seat Lifter

I’m NEVER going to remember to put down the toilet seat… thought I’d let you know now! Love ya, honey! Really?!?!??? Just really?? As much as I relish the prospect of never having to fall ass first into the toilet again, it is not the most romantic gift… Oh, and it’s tacky as hell.

(I.e., save it for Mother’s Day…)

THE RING!!!

I LOVE YOU! RIGHT BACK AT YA! A friend made an excellent point: Never get engaged on Valentine’s Day.  Given that 50% of marriages end in divorce, you don’t want to ruin the most “romantic day of the year” for years to come.

(And it goes without saying… don’t serve divorce papers on Feb 14 either, losers!)

NOTHING! NADA! NIENTE!

This “holiday” is overrated and overpriced.

(Translation:            I forgot. My bad!)

Consider yourself single, buddy! Listen, if you are lucky enough to have a significant other this year (and want to keep her), by all means, run to your local convenience store and at least buy chocolate and flowers. Do something, dagnabbit!!

(Unless you want to proceed through the rest of your life as a eunuch.   Hey, I don’t judge… )

[Ed Note: Yes, she does!]

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About No Disrespect

A little schmuck in a big world
This entry was posted in Check Please!, Happy Happy!, Holiday Gifts and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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