… as we know it. And I feel fine… (Thanks, REM. RIP. Along with the rest of us…)
Day 4 of reader suggestions! And we are in the final stretch (both literally and figurtively…) One of my friends reminded me last night that our local apocalypse expert, Harold Camping, has predicted that the world will end on October 21. (Probably). WE ARE ALL GOING TO F*-ING DIE TOMORROW!!!! So yeah, I should probably say something about it before my (and your) impending doom.
So, yeah. God’s gonna come and save some souls in twelve-ish hours. The believers will be raptured (i.e., swept off to Heaven). For the non-believers/heretics… ummm… I’m not entirely sure what going to happen with us. Camping wasn’t too clear on that point. Seriously, I’d like to know what’s going on, so that I can start planning accordingly. Twenty-four hours isn’t enough time to figure s**t out.
So, as I’m reflecting on my trite, meaningless life, I feel I should do the same for Monsieur Harold Camping. Born Harold Egbert Camping in 1921 (… that name alone would make me hate life and cherish the Afterworld), his religious enlightenment began as a very popular Sunday school teacher at the First Christian Reformed Church in Alameda, CA. In 1958, Camping and some partners formed the radio ministry Family Stations, Inc. in San Francisco. It expanded over the decades, broadcasting Bible readings, gospel and contemporary Christian music. Since 1961, he has hosted his own “Open Forum” program, which continues to be aired on more than 140 US radio stations.
So, Camping has warned us of our impending doom for years. In 1988, Edgar Whisenant wrote a book (very creativity) entitled, 88 Reasons Why the Rapture Could be in 1988. Camping used the book to proclaim the end of the world in his radio program. At that time, his church begged him to cease all prophesying and stop the madness. So, like any other prophet, Camping and his followers decided to leave the church entirely. (Interestingly, Camping does not support any religious institution… in fact, he spurns the Christian Church and their traditions. What he and his followers well… follow is the Bible. That is, Camping’s interpretation of it.)
In 1992, he published his book 1994? where he pronounced that the world would end. He wasn’t sure when the world would end at that time, but he was certain it would be “soon.” So when 1994 rolled around, his followers waited… and waited for Christ’s return. They dressed in their Sunday best and held their Bibles opened towards Heaven.
Camping concluded that that was just a “preliminary study,” (hence the question mark in the title of the book), and he spent the next decade completing his thought. In 2005, he published Time Has an End where he officially began proclaiming that he had recalculated the rapture date to be May 21, 2011. Camping applied numerology to his interpretations of Bible passages to predict that date for the End Times.
According to his prediction, around 200 million people (should have been) raptured at 6 p.m. The rest of us should have suffered for five months until Oct. 21, making it the definitive date for complete world obliteration. As a result, thousands of people quit their jobs, sold their homes, spent their savings on billboards and advertisements – trying to get all of us to save our souls.
As you know, May 21, 2011 has come and went. And the human race is still around. Camping’s followers were taken for fools (again.) The only person who seemed to have suffered greatly is Camping himself, who had a stroke on June 9, and hasn’t fully recovered.
Which brings us to tomorrow. Apparently, Rapture will be a quieter affair. Everybody that is scheduled to die will die peacefully, heretic or no.
And oh my Gosh! I am so woefully unprepared this time around!!! There is SO much to do to prepare for my potential off-ing… spend all of my savings; buy a few bags of food for the cat; (I forgot to enroll her in After the Rapture Pet Care)… and maybe I’ll vacuum the carpet. I want God to think good of me as he collects my soul.