Did you notice that I didn’t post anything last week? I decided to wait patiently for the s***storm from the previous post to die down. But I’m back now. Yay?
Ten days should have given me some inspiration. But nope, I got nuthin.’ Oh well. I can always regale you guys with stories of my pathetic (up until now) dating life. SO… what’s new over here? Well, over that past week, I gave up on online dating altogether. Why, you ask? Well… let’s start from the beginning…
Last Friday, I received an urgent email from my email service provider stating that I was receiving an overwhelming amount of spam from an Indian Matrimonial website called Shaadi.com.
[In a nutshell, Shaadi.com (English translation: marriage.com) is a repository of repressed, desperate, (and mostly) illiterate men mostly residing in India. They essentially want green cards. So they’ll message any woman from the USA… sometimes every day, thinking that their persistence will pay off. (It hasn’t.) For the record, I’ve had a profile with them, but I rarely accessed it – aside from when I needed sad, sad stories to tell over the blogosphere. (See links above.)]
Back to the story. At that point, my spam folder held over 500 emails from *ahem* new “potential suitors.” In a panic, I clicked on one of the emails and realized that they were not for me at all. These replies were for somebody named “Cholie K. Pechey.”
I immediately knew that someone pranked me. “Cholie K Pechey” (or in Hindi, Choli ke Peche) literally translates to “underneath the blouse.” It’s an older Bollywood song, famous primarily because of its bawdiness… and dancing. Yeah, that’s it.
Honestly, you don’t need the subtitles to get what the song is about… but here ya go!
This practical joke would have been hilarious… if it wasn’t happening to me. At this point, over 1,000 emails had flooded my inbox. From the same mustached and now HORNY men in India. Telling me what they were going to do to me once we met up. Yeah. I’ll spare you the outright creepiness of 99% of the responses. I’m sad to report that “Cholie” did not respond to any of their propositions.
And since I did not have a password, I couldn’t shut the account down!
A plea on Facebook to catch the culprit ensued. Finally, one of my friends fessed up, and I was able to obtain the password and delete “Cholie K. Pechey” from my life entirely. Well, almost. Deleting her 3,500+ emails from my inbox took another dedicated hour or so…
So you thought it was over? Well, not quite. Yesterday afternoon, I received a phone call from another Shaadi.com user. And I freaked the freak out. Oh, let’s count the level of fail, shall we???
1.) He knew my name. My name is never posted on dating websites; and
2.) He had my number. (Well, my Google Voice number, but still.) I definitely NEVER post that level of information.
If I remember correctly, Shaadi requires you to give your name and number when you sign up. (I was careful at the time to set my preferences so that nobody on the site could access either.) I went to my profile for the first time in months to see if my personal information was posted or accessible to certain people. It wasn’t.
I reasoned that this person must have been a Shaadi.com employee who broke into the database. That WAS the last straw. I immediately deleted my never-used profile and for good measure, went to Google Voice and blocked the loser entirely. He’ll get a “number’s been disconnected” message if/when he calls again. And as for Match, Plenty of Fish, and other dating websites where I have accounts, those will disappear within a week as well.
So it’s over, folks. I’m done with online dating. But since I’ve been having some success with offline dating lately, I’m not broken up about it at all.