In my last blog, I covered gifts ideas for the rest of you. What about me? *Pout* I ask for the same seven gifts each year, but I must be a naughty girl, because Santa (or his surrogates… um, Mom and Dad?!?!???) never come through. Without further ado or verbiage, here’s what I want for Christmas:
1.) A Piaggio Ape
A vehicle that’s finally just my size! (And ridiculous looking to boot…) Who wouldn’t notice me “driving” down DC’s mean highways at 35 miles per hour? Whoa. I gotta get me one now…
2.) A Snowplow
In Washington DC, it snows. Sometimes a lot. I’d like to go outside during those times unencumbered by wet socks, shoes and trousers. A snowplow is just what I need. Pretty please?
3.) A Butler
Let’s face it. I need a man in my life. But not one who is in my face and annoys me to tears. My butler will always take my groceries in, my trash out; keep my cat’s litterbox in check… (And, oh, light housekeeping and cooking a plus.) Maybe he can double as a chauffeur… hmmm… We’d be hot stuff (trying to fit in) the Ape.
All duties done without any complaining, fuss or muss.
And if he’s easy on the eyes, even better.
4.) A Hot Spring
I have a bad back. Every time I have soaked in a hot spring, all of my pains and strains disappeared for a week or so. (NOTE: I want a NATURAL hot spring. Not a man-made pool.) Get on it now, folks!
5.) A 100 Foot Yacht
Oh, to have a yacht! To go anywhere I want in the world!!! Wide open water to explore… Laying out on the deck, without anybody or anything to bother me. Lux-ur-y!!! (Yo. I might invite you IF you ask nicely… AND kiss my ass. It’s a Prerequisite.)
6.) A Private Island
Of course, with the yacht, I need somewhere to go. And what a perfect place… my untouched, private island! Complete with a private house on a private beach; a private bbq pit… and private dolphins to amuse and play with me.
7.) World Peace
Okay. Now that the material possessions are out-of-the-way, I suppose I should wish for something bigger than myself. Let me have a beauty pageant moment here… [Pause]
“I want… WORLD PEACE! Purty please??? For poor, old moi????”
Be Friends. NOW! Don’t make me go postal on all of your collective asses…