Six… er… SEVEN Things I Want for Christmas

In my last blog, I covered gifts ideas for the rest of you. What about me?  *Pout*  I ask for the same seven gifts each year, but I must be a naughty girl, because Santa (or his surrogates… um, Mom and Dad?!?!???) never come through. Without further ado or verbiage, here’s what I want for Christmas:

1.) A Piaggio Ape

What a hot piece!!!!!!! Can't wait to see how many hot guys try to pick me (and my car) up!

A vehicle that’s finally just my size!  (And ridiculous looking to boot…)  Who wouldn’t notice me “driving” down DC’s mean highways at 35 miles per hour?  Whoa.  I gotta get me one now…

2.) A Snowplow

(... And during the offseason, I can use it to knock over my Ape.  Win Win!)

In Washington DC, it snows.  Sometimes a lot.   I’d like to go outside during those times unencumbered by wet socks, shoes and trousers.  A snowplow is just what I need.  Pretty please?

3.)  A Butler

<French Accent>Madam. Your dinner is served. </French Accent>

Let’s face it. I need a man in my life. But not one who is in my face and annoys me to tears. My butler will always take my groceries in, my trash out; keep my cat’s litterbox in check… (And, oh, light housekeeping and cooking a plus.)   Maybe he can double as a chauffeur… hmmm… We’d be hot stuff (trying to fit in) the Ape.

All duties done without any complaining, fuss or muss.

And if he’s easy on the eyes, even better.

4.)  A Hot Spring

I have a bad back. Every time I have soaked in a hot spring, all of my pains and strains disappeared for a week or so. (NOTE: I want a NATURAL hot spring. Not a man-made pool.) Get on it now, folks!

5.)  A 100 Foot Yacht

(And if it's big enough, my butler, snowplow and Ape can come with me.  Yay!!!!)

Oh, to have a yacht! To go anywhere I want in the world!!! Wide open water to explore… Laying out on the deck, without anybody or anything to bother me.  Lux-ur-y!!! (Yo. I might invite you IF you ask nicely… AND kiss my ass. It’s a Prerequisite.)

6.)  A Private Island

We come with the package. Heyo!!!

Of course, with the yacht, I need somewhere to go. And what a perfect place… my untouched, private island! Complete with a private house on a private beach; a private bbq pit… and private dolphins to amuse and play with me.

7.) World Peace

Okay. Now that the material possessions are out-of-the-way, I suppose I should wish for something bigger than myself. Let me have a beauty pageant moment here… [Pause]

“I want… WORLD PEACE! Purty please??? For poor, old moi????”

Can't we all just get along?????

Be Friends. NOW! Don’t make me go postal on all of your collective asses…

[Ed Note: This post probably will be my last before the New Year. I get to take vacations too… so I will! Yeehaw!!!!! Merry Kwanchanumas (and New Year, perhaps), and I’ll see ya when I get back!]

About No Disrespect

A little schmuck in a big world
This entry was posted in Blog Update, Check Please!, Happy Happy!, Holiday Gifts, Holidays and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Six… er… SEVEN Things I Want for Christmas

  1. JL says:

    Let me know when you get #6 so that I can drive you in your #5 and then cart you off in your #1 to your #4 – I guess though that would make me your #3… just dont make me use the #2….

  2. Roxanne says:

    Those are super great, especially the butler *hand under chin stuck in a daydream*

    Happy Holidays and have a great vacation!

  3. Pingback: It’s been a long time… |

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