Metro Vignettes

As most of you know, I don’t own a car at the moment; so I make my way around town on public transportation. I spend a significant amount of time waiting, boarding and traveling on the bus and Metro systems… giving me an opportunity to observe the humanity (or lack thereof) around me. Today, I thought I’d share some stories of riding the bus… and the people that take it.

My life in a nutshell...



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Yesterday, I was standing at the bus bay area, waiting to go home. A cute little boy was standing next to his mother – couldn’t have been older than 3 years – clutching his well-worn teddy bear. He’s going to be a handsome one… huge brown-black eyes planted in a white, white face. His Indian mother, beautiful herself, watched as the buses went by. Their bus was late. She was getting anxious. Maybe they had to be home by a certain time? Or maybe she was just tired.

I think the first thing that struck me about this kid (aside from his obviously physical cuteness), was that he was entertaining himself by reading aloud the destinations labeled on the buses as they drove by.

High-pitched toddler voice: “1A… Ballston Station” Mommy! It’s “1A Ballston Station!!!!” Is that our bus?!?!????

Now, I don’t know how many children learn to read so well by his age. Oh, AND he’s smart too. His Mom will be fighting away the girls in about 10 years…


All of a sudden, he turns to his Mom, looks her in the eyes and says…



“You’re weird and I wish you were never born.”




Mom looks confused. After a moment, she says, “What?”

Kid: “You’re weird and I wish you were never born.”

Mom: “Do you know what that means?”

Kid: “No.” (Bystanders giggle.)

Mom: “Where did you hear this from?”

Kid: “Zack.” (We laugh some more.)

Mom: “That’s not nice.

Kid: “You’re weird and I wish you were never born.”

Mom: [Sharp voice.] “Alex. Stop saying that now.”

Kid: “You’re weird and I wish you were never born.”

[Mom glares at kid.]

Kid: [Annoying kid-whine.] But I was telling that to Teeeeeeddyyyyyy! [Holds out teddy bear at Mom] Teddy liked it!!!

Now everybody at the bus stop is laughing. Immediately, the kid clams up… and after a few minutes, starts reading off the bus destinations again.

Unfortunately, we were not on the same bus. So I left Mom and her cute tot at the station.

*     *     *



At another bus stop, two future delinquents played a game where they would take turns pushing each other off the curb and into the street. Laughing and cavorting, “Jack” and “Jill” were oblivious to the danger they were putting themselves into.  Sometimes one fell on their side, but most of the time, they would stumble off the curb on their two feet, ready to charge the other.  Horseplay at it’s worst. Mom, meanwhile, ignored them entirely, talking on her cellphone to her (presumed) boyfriend – yelling at him for not picking them up and forcing “her” to take the bus.

My heart was in my throat. I was so scared for those two kids… and was frozen in fear.  Someone approached the mom, and got a verbal smackdown. SHE WAS ON THE PHONE DAMMIT! I shook myself out of my own selfishness, and was about to approach the kids myself to break it up, when…

Jill almost got run over by a car.  Luckily, a man happened to be right there, and was able to pull Jill back onto the curb before the car hit her flesh. Immediately, Jill started to cry, not understanding why some random guy grabbed her.  She started to scream at the top of her lungs:  “Stranger Danger!  Stranger Danger!!!!  This man TOUCHED me MOMMY!!!!”

Mom (who witnessed the entire incident), instead of being thankful, told the man to NEVER, EVER put his hands on her kids again. But she did hang up the phone. Thankfully, my bus came, and I and the good man (who boarded the bus with me) could leave the three of them to their fates. We chatted a bit as we went to our respective destinations. He was a bit shaken up. Understandably.

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Gotta love the late night subway rides. At 2 AM, I boarded the Metro to go home from a great party I had attended. I was smiling as I boarded the train… luckily I only had to wait 4 minutes on the subway platform. Yay, me!

I must have boarded the Drunk, Gay Express Train… Destination, Laysville. Across from me, two men were making out heavily, oblivious to the world. At the end of the train, a man, wearing a sexy red lounge dress (no wig), along with day-old stubble was expertly applying mascara and eyeshadow. (As a woman, I CAN’T even put on makeup on a moving train. Kudos, Queenie!)

Another gay couple fought viciously a few in front of me. (About what? I forget.) One man became so angry at the other that he threw is half-eaten burrito at his lover. So great. Now the train smelled of stale beans and salsa on top of the musky Metro smell it already possessed.  All of a sudden, the subway stopped between Foggy Bottom and Rosslyn, and the lights went out for a few seconds. All of the men screamed in falsetto. I would have been scared too… but I was fighting not laughing at the preposterous-ness of it all. But fortunately, the lights came on shortly after. The couple in front of me made up. That was sweet. Now we had two gay couples making out.

Watching the two straight couples gawk at the scene made my night.  (Along with the gay men, there were maybe five other people on my train.)  The straight men did not know what to do with themselves. Deer in headlights, folks. Dear in headlights. Finally, the train started moving again, I disembarked at my station and went home.

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Fortunately, I get to board the bus again today. Who knows what adventures await me!!!





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About No Disrespect

A little schmuck in a big world
This entry was posted in DC, Drunk Nation, Gay Gay Gay, Oh The Humanity!, Those Rascally Kids, Travel and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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