Six Things I Learned This Week: The Early Edition (11/3/11)

Usually, I write this article on Friday. But I have a better idea for a blog post then, so everything got shifted around. I actually DID learn six (marginally useful) facts this week, so let’s do this thing. One day early.

1.) If you study drunk, take your damn test drunk.

As with everything in our body, all learning is chemical.  According to the State Dependent Learning principle, people recall more information when their physiological state is the same at encoding and retrieval.  Ergo, if you’re consuming copious amounts of alcohol when you are studying for your final, you might as well show up to your last class drunk.

You should also try to study in the same room that you will take your test in.  Same theory applies.  Party, anyone?

Can everyone please SHUT UP?!?!??? I'm trying to concentrate. Yeah, that's it...

2.)  Coke  (the drink, not the drug) is a food.

In other alcohol related news, in Virginia, there is no such thing as a bar.  There are restaurants that “happen to serve alcohol.”  And to stay open in good standing, 40% of all sales must be food purchases.

Yum. Food.

It must be a relief to all restaurateurs who “happen to serve alcohol” that Coke is considered a food.  The US Supreme Court ruled in the old-tymey days that Coca-Cola is, in fact, edible so that the company would not have to divulge its ultra-secret formula to the world. (The US government requires that all commercial beverages must have all of the ingredients labeled for sale.

And have you ever wondered why (almost) every single alcoholic beverage has one lone lemon/lime/cherry dropped in or placed strategically on top of the glass?  Now you just made your vodka tonic a food purchase as well!!!!


3.)  Let’s stay on the topic of drinkage for one moment.   On Tuesday, Moms risked permanent criminal records by transporting 100 gallons of raw milk across state lines, and drank the contraband it right in front of the US Food and Drug Administration offices in Silver Spring, MD.

Hey. I didn't do anything... Moo.

Raw milk is essentially, unpasteurized, non-homogenized milk, straight out of the cow.  It’s as natural and organic as you can get.  In fact, newborn babies drink raw milk everyday out of their mother’s teats.  You can actually buy raw milk in 30 states at the moment; but if you transport it to another, you are S.O.L.  I’m really not understanding why the FDA has become so militant about this issue, arresting and prosecuting those who sell and consume this product.  Yes, when you don’t pasteurize milk, you do run the small risk of consuming bad, bad bacteria and becoming sick.  But more people have become ill from drinking pasteurized milk than not!

For the record, as a kid, I drank raw milk in India.  After milking the cow, my relatives boiled the milk to kill off said bacteria above, and served it warm.  I did not like it.  It was way to rich for my liking.  And hey, I’m Lactose Intolerant now, so I avoid most dairy now.  Since you cannot buy raw milk in Virginia anyway, I won’t risk breaking the law anytime soon…


4.)  In more government news, hey, the internet was invented in my current town, Arlington, VA! In all deference to Al Gore, in the 1970s, APRANET, the “Advanced Research Projects Agency” of the Department of Defense, developed the technology that eventually became the internet that we all know and love. Originally intended to support the military, ARPANET technology was soon approved for private use… which 30-ish years later, eventually trickled down to me… writing this stupid blog post from the comfort of my own home.

(Ironically, around the same time APRANET was being developed, about 300 feet away, another historical marker commemorates the parking garage where Deep Throat and Bob Woodward split Watergate wide open.  Lots going on in Rosslyn, VA at the time…)


5.)   A recent study published out of Columbia University suggests that for each 10% increase in body weight, a man needs to earn 2% more to date the same woman.  Unfortunately, traits desired in online dating profiles such as “being nice” or “having a sense of humor” don’t count for much, according to the authors.  So men, if you’re obese, you gotta be loaded for women to find you attractive.

And ladies, what you you have to do to improve your dating situation perchance, if you are carrying a few extra pounds?  Well, go to college, for starters.  Women who are well educated are more valued to men than high school dropouts.

Or both of you could just skip that last piece of pie and go on a diet.  Just sayin’.


6.)  And the best advice of all for the week?  Everybody has an expired Groupon coupon, right?  Well, there’s at least one thing that this company is doing right amongst all of it’s spectacular fails… just email them, and they’ll refund the money in “Groupon Bucks” to use on your next purchase.  You’re welcome.







About No Disrespect

A little schmuck in a big world
This entry was posted in Drunk Nation, Edumacation, Holy Cow, Political Shizz, Six Things I Learned This Week, Studies show..., technology and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Six Things I Learned This Week: The Early Edition (11/3/11)

  1. Elizabeth S says:

    I had no idea you could do that with expired Groupons….

What do ya have to say, suckas?!?!???

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