On Tuesday, along with 100,000 of my closest buddies, I attended the Drag Queen High Heel Races in DC. Heralding the unofficial start of the “holiday season,” men dressed up in women’s clothes, makeup and falsies; put on (at least) 2 inch heels (part of the rules)… and paraded themselves up and down 17th Street in Dupont Circle before running a 500 yard dash to the finish line. This tradition celebrated its 25th year last Tuesday. It was obligatory to attend… particularly since this year, the weather was so mild!
I attempted to arrive to the race uber early; I am always mindful of the fact that I am five feet tall. You know… short. Any large parade is a waste on me if I’m standing behind somebody. Contrary to popular belief, I do not like staring at people’s asses all night long… I get enough of that on the Metro during rush hour. So my friend Michael and I got there around 8 PM. Already, the place was packed… with a sinking feeling, I pretty much knew that I had come too late. There was absolutely no way I would be able to see a thing. *Sigh.* Michael was already starting to complain. (He’s at least six foot tall, and even HE couldn’t view the festivities!) I finally inched my way behind the crowd, looking pathetic. Suddenly, some people took pity on me and told everybody to move over so that I could be in the front(!) Kindness in DC? That NEVER happens… Michael came up behind me in order to block the views of the people behind us. Thanks, strangers!
For an hour, the contestants strutted their stuff up and down the street, posing for pictures. Because everybody loves a short person, I was grabbed once or twice to pose with some behemoth drag queen… (take a 6 foot tall man, put him in stilettos and a big ass wig… and va va voom!!!!) Well, it gave me an opportunity to become just as sleazy as some and grab some (fake) boob. I’m not really sure why everybody wanted to take a picture of short little me with seven foot monsters, but I’m sure you’ll find my visage floating up and down the internet.
Most of the contestants were tranny messes… but some of them were sexxy hot! I only brought my crappy iPhone camera with me, so most of the pictures below are from professional sources. (The dark pics are all me…) Enjoy!
The actual race itself was hilarious. The drag queens kept falling down, and would struggle on the street like overturned cockroaches before they were able to get back up again. I laughed pretty much the entire time.
After standing for close to 2 hours, my feet were killing me! But I couldn’t complain… because every drag queen that I encountered afterwards suffered worse foot issues than me. Every single one of them asked me how women actually… you know, wear these things. And why??? I did not have a good answer for them. Being sexy is great, but the pain that you go through to look HAWT wasn’t worth it for most of the queens there. They’ll only partake once a year.
Now that it’s over, I guess I can start thinking about Christmas presents now… Yeah, Holidays!