Horrible, Terrible, No Good Job Interview Questions/Moron Central

Whoo Hoo! You know you’ve made it in the blog world… when you receive your first troll. Some stranger decided to tell me how he really felt about my writing. (Note: Not Safe For Work) I’m just honored that I got such an emotional reaction out of someone. My writing impacts people… Oh, yes it did!!!

(Seriously, if you don’t like anyone’s blog post (including mine), write your own damn blog and/or move on.  Seriously, do you have nothing better to do but s**t on on some no-name blogger’s writings?  I’m not pretending like I’m the bastion of all knowledge, and sometimes, admittedly I do write some pretty crappy posts (see below), but my, oh my.   I make fun of people like you… What made you get your big girl panties all wadded up in a bunch?!?!????  Maybe you were out in public, got a wedgie and couldn’t dig it out?   Did your Mommy yell at you when when you were 3 years old… because you did not eat your peas?  (Oh, the peas.  They were so yukky.  And, you were expected to eat EVERY. LAST. ONE or go to bed hungry.  So sad…)   Did Daddy never show you love because of said peas?  Did your significant other storm out on you yesterday because you’re some God awful harpy… who doesn’t eat peas?  Oh, I could go on and on… but that will be for another day… perhaps.)

Anyway… thanks for your response.  Seriously.  That last paragraph was very fun to write.  (And for the record, I hate peas too.)

No thank you...

While we’re talking about bad blogging, apologies all around for yesterday’s blog post.  Seriously, it was s****y writing all around.   It started out all right… but I just got lost in words as I slogged through it.  I’ve been feeling mighty crappy lately, so I’m not holding out much hope that today’s post will be much better… I’ll probably peter out again around word 300… but let’s see what happens!

So (finally) we are on Day #2 of reader recommendation topics.  Today’s topic will be… horrible questions to ask your potential employer when interviewing for a job.  A long, long time ago, one of my friends gave me a newspaper article from The Journal News… a rag from Upstate New York and told me that I should write about it.   In conjunction with Careerbuilder.com, they printed a mess of an article… on questions to avoid asking during a job interview. I took the article and mulled it over for about a month… and realized there was nothing I could do with it aside from snark on its stupidity. (**I wish that I could find the original article online, but I’ve spent the last 25 minutes looking for it… and well, that’s all folks!**)

Before I begin, let me just say… wow.  Wowy, wow wow.  Ok, I’m done.

At one time, I worked in HR, and I thought I saw everything… until I read this pile of dung.   The morons who asked these types of questions never stepped into my office.  Maybe Washington attracts more intelligent employee prospects?  I dunno.  But if I encountered any of these duds, believe you me: the interview would have been over before it started.  See ya later, loser!

If you really need to lay each scenario out for you point by point, you cannot be my friend. But here I go anyway… Some gems mentioned include:

1.) How often do you guys go to Happy Hour?  Are there company parties?  Is alcohol provided?

  • Response: You are supposed to be professional during a job interview.   If you are more interested in partying, your interviewer will take note.  You are interviewing for a J-O-B, not to be the office f-up.

2.) How extensive is the background check?

  • Response:  Don’t give the interviewer any reason to NOT consider your application.  Remember, there are other people  interviewing for this position.  If you DO have a criminal record, don’t mention it until you’re selected as a promising candidate, AND they tell you they are about to run a background check.  Then disclose your situation and give a very convincing argument why you have changed.  [Be aware that some jobs require clean records… (e.g., government security clearance jobs.)  Don’t apply for jobs you’re certain to be rejected outright, and save everybody some time.]

3.) So??? What are the bonuses like around here???

  • Response: Take the potential employer’s cue on when/how to talk about salary.  Let them bring it up first.  Don’t become overly focused on your take home pay during the interview.  It makes you look like you care more about the bottom line than the actual job itself.  (Even if you do care more about cash money, don’t ever let your interviewer know that… ever.  Idiot.)

4.)  What is your policy on dating within the company?

  • Response: You’re being creepy. I guarantee you, all of the people interviewing you won’t want to hang around you much longer, let alone work with you.

5.) Do employee benefits cover rehab and counseling?

  • Response:  Yeah.  EVERYBODY wants to work with an alcoholic/drug addict.  Keep that s**t quiet.  You’ll find out about benefits in due time, if you are offered the position.

6.)  Is lunch a full hour long?

  • Response:  “No it is not.  You are expected to refrain from eating during work hours.”  (My dream answer to this imaginary interviewee.)   Along with the other queries above… this is NOT a question to ask during an interview.  You’ll eat when you eat, and you’ll be happy about it.

Yeah.  Be preparedI can’t believe that busy HR professionals have to take time out of their busy day to explain to  morons how to interview properly.   Brief interview advice:  research the company, memorize your resume, and be prepared for standard interview questions prior;  sleep soundly the night before; and dress professionally the day of…  and you should do fine.  You may not get the job (particularly in this economy), but at least you can say that the potential employer rejected you because of some external factor rather than you f-ing up your interview.  And wouldn’t that make you feel oh, so much better?

Tomorrow will come soon enough.  See ya then!


About No Disrespect

A little schmuck in a big world
This entry was posted in Check Please!, Holy Cow, Oh The Humanity!, Work Drama and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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