I am not ready to pull out my sweaters yet… yet here we go. After I publish this piece, I’m going to have to find a damn pullover to wear – otherwise I won’t be stepping outside for a season. I don’t think that DC had enough days of pleasantness before it got cold. What happened to you, summer??? Wahhhh….
Some housekeeping first:
This is probably a non-issue since most people respond to my posts by Facebook… or in person. (“Hey, No. Let me tell you about what I thought about yesterday’s blog. It sucked.”) But I care about your privacy regardless…
Right now, I moderate my comment section. (I.e., I don’t know how to automate it.) It has its advantages… I am able to to erase your email addresses, Facebook URLs and the like, and keep you pretty anonymous. To protect you, from today, I’m going to edit everyone’s blog comments to only include their first name and then, your critique of my thoughts. If you want your contact information shown, for whatever reason, just add a note to the bottom of your comment, and I’ll oblige.
Ok. Done. Now on with the show.
1.) If you don’t want a narcoleptic baby, plan on having them in September.
One in 2,000 people suffer from narcolepsy, a sleep disorder that causes overwhelming sleepiness randomly (e.g., when you’re in the shower, driving, or in the middle of a meeting – hey, that’s me!) No, I don’t suffer from Narcolepsy, but sadly, I do know people who do. Without medication, this condition can be quite dangerous.
For some reason, babies born in September have a 37% less likelihood of suffering from this disease. However, March babies aren’t that lucky… they are 45% MORE likely to be at risk. Scientists theorize that since the March babies’ third trimester – the most critical phase in fetal development – runs during the winter, (i.e., the cold and flu season), maybe Mom getting sick may have something to do with it. That’s right, blame Mom again for your existence…
2.) My short person complex continues… but now I have one (1) solution to a major problem!!!
I avoid hanging plants in my abode, primarily because I can’t reach the twigs and branches to water them weekly without causing a waterfall onto my carpet… I just can’t reach them… even with a chair or lift. It’s a major PITA. So it’s just not a part of my interior design.
Well, that thought ended yesterday. A friend recommended that when it comes time to nourish their roots, throw a couple of blocks of ice into the pot. That way, there’s no mess, it’s like throwing a baseball, and the water will seep slowly into the soil. How brilliant!
Hanging some of my smaller plants will commence… tomorrow.
3.) Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill
Oh, Texas. How I feel for you. I’ve seen some pictures of Bastrop that make me want to hide. (Including the one pasted herein.) I’m glad that the fires are slowly starting to come under control, but seriously… I wish I could import some of our overwhelming rain to you.
Topography makes a huge difference in how forest fires spread. Apparently, the most important factor is slope. The steeper the slope, the faster the fire. That makes sense. Now, you must suspend intuition here… fires burn more quickly uphill. Why in the world?!?!???? Because wind generally tends to blow uphill, fanning the flames. Also, the fire preheats quicker up the hill because smoke and heat rise upwards.
When it’s time to go downhill, the fire has less wind, smoke and heat to work with. So said fire slows down.
4.) Maps don’t lie
I was staring at a “real” map the other day. (No electronic GPS device for me… I went old school here!), and I made a startling discovery. Virginia actually extends further west than West Virginia!
That is all.
5.) Wanna weigh less? Step on the scale at night
You actually weigh less when the moon is directly above you. Because the moon’s gravitational pull is less than that of the earth, you would weigh a millionth of a gram less when the moon is over you than you did the second before. Enjoy the moment.
Note that your mass would not change, only your weight. If you decided to be a dumbass and run into a wall on the moon, it would be no different than hitting the same wall on earth. The impact would be the same, and you would still hurt. And I would still point and laugh at you.
Just for kicks, I found a website that calculates what your weight would be on other planets. If I lived on Venus right now, I’d be at my ideal weight. *Packing bags*
6.) Farts can (potentially) run the world.
Finally, from the most random fact department, you can produce an atom bomb by studying hard in school and becoming a nuclear physicist. Or you can fart continuously for 6 years and 9 months to create the same amount of energy.
Oh, the energy production possibilities… why hasn’t the US Federal Energy Commission gotten on this yet?!?!????