Recessionista’s List of Crap: Volume 2

A while ago, I wrote a blog post describing my favorite DIY beauty products.  I decided to revisit the topic again.  What can I say… I’m cheap.  And I have way too much crap around the house, which means, hey!  Experimentation time!!!  I make over myself constantly because I love you guys… and my pocketbook.

Ladies: we spend wayyy too much money to look purty.  Why spend all of your cash on some hack beauty cream that smells (and is probably made of) animal poo when you have everything you need at home???  Below is a continuation of my favorite *ahem* beauty secrets…

... And this is not one of them

1.) Coffee Grounds

Come and get it!!!!

Pretty much everyone I know (except me) drinks three cups of coffee in the morning before they can function. Usually, the coffee grounds are promptly thrown in the trash. Stop that! Make yourself a super duper scrub first… and then throw away the grounds.  Supposedly, rubbing coffee all over your body helps control varicose veins and cellulite.

Many spas use (and try to sell you) products made with coffee to stimulate your skin.  But why spend the money when you have everything that you need at home???  (I don’t understand you people…)  Here we go…


  • Coffee grounds
  • A couple of pinches of salt (optional)

Brew a fresh pot of coffee. Enjoy your coffee.  Then put the grounds (and salt) in a small bowl.  Get in the shower, and scrub mixture with a washcloth over the body in a circular motion.  Rinse.  Try to use grounds within 20 minutes of brewing before oxidation occurs.

2.)  Cinnamon and Nutmeg

Very good for you too. Trust.

I always have too many spices lying around the house… some of them have been around for years.   Ew.  Two that I don’t use very often (outside of the holidays) are cinnamon and nutmeg.  Why not combine them in an acne mask?   Think about it. Your face will smell of Thanksgiving?  Yum.

(Yes.  Sadly, I still get pimples every now and again.  It makes me feel that I’m 16 again… But not in a good way.  Anyway…)

Nutmeg has anti-inflammatory qualities, so it helps to calm flare-ups as well as reduce redness of acne scars. Cinnamon is a natural exfoliant as well and it’s also known for its antiseptic qualities.


  • 1 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 1 tsp ground nutmeg
  • 1 tsp honey

Combine into a thick paste. Apply to your face for half an hour and then rinse off with warm water. Be sure to moisturize afterwards.

3.) Potatoes

Potato and Dumpling Sweet Soup... Yum!

Did you party too hard last night and wake up to some nasty bags under your eyes?  Ugh!  Relax.  It happens to everybody.  Before you reach for your uber-expensive eye cream, find a potato.  Cut exactly two slices and lay them across your eyelids.  Now lie down for 10 minutes.  When you remove said potato slices, your eyes should be significantly less puffy and your skin around them lightened.

4.) Pineapple

... Now I'm making myself hungry

Okay. Unless you live in Hawaii, you might not always have a pineapple lying around your house.  If ever.  But they are cheap and plentiful to buy year round, thanks to our grocery stores.  Why do you need them, anyway?  Two words… stretch marks.

Maybe you lost a lot of weight at one time. Or you had kids.  For whatever reason, now you have stretch marks.  And you don’t like them.  Pineapple to the rescue.

Pineapples contain the magical ingredient alpha hydroxy acid, which you will find in more expensive spa products. Alpha Hydoxy Acid helps to stimulate cell removal, which if used weekly, will remove stretch marks slowly.

If you buy canned pineapple, don’t use those packed in sugar water. (Of course, fresh is best.)  Pulverize said pineapple in a blender and spread across those areas affected by stretch marks. Start with two minutes, to see if it irritates you; next time, you can leave it on longer… but no more than 5-10 minutes. Rinse with water. You should start seeing results in about a month.

And finally…

5.)  Vodka

Yes, the pictures got away from me. I must find food. Now.

Yes, vodka. After I published my first “volume,” a friend told me about this concoction for soft hands that she uses religiously. And WOW, does it work! Now, you can go on and purchase lotion for this purpose, but c’mon now… it’s freakin’ VODKA! How fun! And oh, after 12 hours, my hands still felt softer than before.

But first, you need a few more things. All should be easily locate-able around the house or outside…

Ingredients: (I just threw all of them into a bowl… I didn’t really measure it out)

  • Olive oil
  • Vodka
  • Water
  • Lemon juice (1 tsp?)
  • Some dried flower petals
  • Sea salt (Regular salt will do if you don’t have any at home)

Combine all ingredients and soak hands for a few minutes. Take them out and let the concoction dry for an additional 1-2 minutes. Rinse.  Swig vodka from bottle in celebration!

Seriously, this recipe may be better for softening hands than any expensive lotion I have ever used. Next time, I’ll use the leftovers on my feet.

... Or go swim with the fishies


About No Disrespect

A little schmuck in a big world
This entry was posted in Beauty Tips, Edumacation, girl stuff, Happy Happy! and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Recessionista’s List of Crap: Volume 2

  1. Pingback: Why it sucks to be a girl (sometimes…) | No Disrespect

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