Six Things I learned (over the past two weeks): The Patience Edition

I haven’t written one of these columns in a few weeks. Initially, my thought was to list twelve things that I learned over the past month-ish… but I’m too lazy. So this week, this blog post will contain six things that I learned… well… it feels like forever ago.

Let’s go!

1.) You cannot buy a Diet Coke at a Starbucks.  Apparently, the only caffeine you are allowed to consume there are those contained in coffee and tea. (Neither of which I drink. Tea, occasionally; Coffee, definitely NO.  Seriously, watching me on a coffee buzz is funnier than seeing me drunk.)  Made me sad on the hottest day of the year.  It also gave me a sunburn, as I had to walk a few blocks to the CVS Pharmacy afterwards.

2.)  And talking about said CVS, once I received my FREE Diet Coke (I had a coupon),  I still received a three foot long receipt.  They sure don’t love their trees there.



3.) I have definitely become a city girl.  Driving though Northern California, with its hills and vineyards; and then the East Coast, through Maryland and Delaware… I became bored.  Out of my skull.  I am just not enthralled by flat farmland between cities.  I apparently need metal, brick and water to keep me entertained…

Fish with Gun4.) If you’re planning on killing someone, a very creative method may be via puffer fish poison. Unfortunately, you still might get caught. An Illinois man just plead guilty of trying to off his wife by buying tetrodotoxin (derived from the puffer fish), which causes respiratory paralysis within a short period of time. Once consumed, wifey would have pretty much a goner; there’s no known antidote. Luckily, the dastardly plot didn’t get very far.

Yes, this is the same stuff as fugu, the sushi that kills. I never understood the thrill of eating fugu.  For something that can send you to the emergency room, it looks pretty tame.  And what I’ve gathered from a friend, it doesn’t taste very good anyway.

And just so you know what NOT to buy from your fish monger, here’s a puffer fish for your delight and awe:

Just what I always wanted.  My own little puffer fish.  I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him and eat him.  Oh, wait.

Just what I always wanted. My own little puffer fish. I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him and eat him. Oh, wait.

5.)  Although I’m thankful that the FAA is up and running again (several of my friends were affected by the furlough), I’m not going to lie… I did try to take advantage of no airline taxes being levied last week… maybe I could have traveled home for Thanksgiving on a dime.

Nope.  The Airlines were laughing all the way to the bank.   A ticket to Texas flying on off-peak days was $800.  EIGHT HUNDRED FREAKIN’ DOLLARS!!!!   You can fly to Europe with that kind of swag.   Needless to say, I passed.  Welcome to capitalism, my friends.

6.)  There is a city named Assawoman in VA.  Awesome!  Along with Intercourse, Blue Ball and Climax, PA… this may be quick weekend destination for me in the future!  Well, I’ll have to be bored along the way, but taking a picture of the city limit sign has become a goal of mine.  Road trip????  (I don’t have a car, but I definitely have gas money… and lots of inane conversation stored up.)

And yes, I do know someone who was once rear ended in Intercourse, PA.  The jokes just wrote themselves…

Have a good weekend!!!!


About No Disrespect

A little schmuck in a big world
This entry was posted in Check Please!, Da Cat, Edumacation, Ewwww!, Holy Cow, I'm annoyed, Life, Naughty!, Oh The Humanity!, Safety First!, Six Things I Learned This Week, Stupidity, technology, Weird News and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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